Walk softly and wear big boots

This post is in collaboration with Mortein.

I don’t like spiders. Growing up in Australia, where a lot of the creepy crawlies you will come across have the ability to bite and potentially kill you, you develop a healthy respect for spiders. Checking for red back spiders on the swing set and your bike is something you get used to.

What I hate though, is when I find them inside the house.

I have made a deal with spiders, which of course, being spiders, they are likely to have no idea that I have negotiated this with their kind.

As long as they stay outside, and don’t pose a threat to my family, they’re fine to stay. Our chickens are likely to find them and eat them, or they keep away other creepy crawlies. No dramas.

But last year, a couple of the big hairy bastards reneged on our deal. Things didn’t go well. For them anyway.

spider ecard

I was driving on the busy main road, doing about 80km, when my eldest told me that the man in the car next to us was waving. So I turned my head, and sure enough, the driver next to us was gesturing wildly and then grinning. I had no idea what message he was trying to get across, until he pointed to the passenger side of the car. And then I saw it. At the same time my eldest son saw it, and started yelling at the top of his lungs, “SPIDER!”

There, on the passenger front window, was the biggest, hairiest huntsman spider I have ever seen. About the size of my outstretched palm. Thankfully I quickly realised it was on the outside of the car, not inside, and had to calm down my son and tell him that he wasn’t about to be eaten by the spider, no matter how big it was.

When we arrived at our destination, I did the right thing and didn’t try to kill it. I got a large stick and prised it off the car to release it in the garden so it could be left alone. But the hairy bastard had other ideas. It was pissed off. After removing it from the car and walking away from it, my son starts yelling again, this time, “it’s coming after us!”. I turn around, and sure enough, the damn spider is charging at me. Possibly suffering from a bad case of PMS, this huntsman was not happy. I flick it away with the stick, it charges again. One more time I attempt to move it, it charges, no realisation that I’m about 1000 times as big as it. This time I’m not so nice and figure I’ve given it enough chances to go quietly, and I’m also worried it might sneak in the car somewhere with a revenge plan in mind, so I flick it on the road, and as I was wearing boots… Sorry spider, you had your chance.

A few weeks after that, leaves kept blowing in the house or getting stuck on the dogs’ hair and were dropped on the floor. On a rather gloomy day, I saw a pile of curled up leaves in the corner on the floor and went to sweep them up. One leaf looked slightly different so I bent down and blew on it. I really have no idea what possessed me to do that, but I’m glad I didn’t try to pick up that leaf. Because it wasn’t a leaf. It was another hairy bastard spider. Obviously decided to have a nap in the corner, previously undisturbed by us, then rudely awakened and not happy. It charged at me too. This time, this spider wasn’t getting any second chances. It was inside our house. It broke the agreement. Thankfully being cooler weather in Canberra, I already had my boots on. Bam! Hairy bastard squished and then I did the heeby jeeby dance. You know the one you do after you squish a spider and you shake your arms as if it had been running up them? No? Just me that does that?

spider meme

Now we’re in our new home and we’re seeing a lot of spiders around the place with the change in weather again. Our seven year old has yelled “spider!” several times now, after spotting one in his room or the playroom. These ones don’t seem to be keeping up their end of the deal either, and I’m paranoid about red back spiders in the house, so I’ve sprayed the door frames and window frames with Mortein crawling insect surface spray that stops them coming inside the house. It’s been a few weeks now since spraying, and so far, no spiders have shown their face inside our home. Happy days!

I might be able to put my boots away for a while after all.

Do spiders freak you out? Have you had a hitch hiking spider?

Linking up with Essentially Jess for #IBOT.

Make sure you’re following Life, kids and a glass of red on Facebook for more giggles and snippets of silliness!


21 thoughts on “Walk softly and wear big boots

  1. I hate spiders because I really think they’re gross but I don’t hate them as much as I do with Professor Umbridge (…harry potter reference).
    I never told anyone about my fear about those creepy crawlers (except family) because they might just use it against me!!


  2. Oh shit! After reading this I have the creepy crawly feeling up my spine. I HATE SPIDERS! I have never heard of a huntsmen chasing anyone. You must have really pissed him/her off. I better not have nightmares tonight because of reading this 😉

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Oh man, I used to be so terrified of spiders until we moved up here, and the bloody things are everywhere. Now I don’t mind them. The only ones we kill now are the ones that want to kill us. That’s our new rule, otherwise I’d be hunting them down all day!


  4. I bloody hate spiders. Bub nearly touched a huge hunstmen the other day because it was hiding in the toys she was playing with and I didn’t see it. It was huge, I FREAKED out. I’ve also seen one in her room. And I have one trapped in an esky outside because I found it in there so quickly put the lid on top cos I had nothing to squish it with. I don’t really mind them if they don’t come inside either, but once they’re inside its game on. You’d think my 2 cats would take care of them, but no they’re all but useless on the spider front. #teamIBOT


  5. Urgh I hate spiders! Canberra is the worst for them isn’t it?! You don’t get spiders anywhere else as often as you get them in Canberra. I remember when my parents came to visit us when my baby was about 6 weeks old. I’d put her in bed and gone back in to check on her, I shone the light of my phone toward her bassinet and saw a massive whitetail right above her I freaked and made my dad go kill it. Totally worth spraying your house in summer!


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