Burnt out and fed up

burnt-outand-fed-upI’m exhausted. I’ve been running on fumes for months.

I’m burnt out and fed up.

I need a break.

And somehow, the kids just know I’m at breaking point…

I love my job, and I’m not going to feel guilty about that. The people I work with are wonderful and I know I can rely on them to get shit done. If they say they’ll do something, I don’t have to check in or remind them. It will get done. They’re pretty fucking fantastic, now that I really think about it.

But the pace I’ve been working at for the past few months has sapped every bit of brain capacity I may have had left, after the kids turned part of my brain to porridge. I’m pretty sure that it has been scientifically proven somewhere that having kids affects your brain’s capacity to retain information and hold coherent conversations for extended periods of time…

I’m exhausted.

Throw in to the mix of the past few months, a husband who has been away on and off for work, sick kids, sick kids infecting us (delightful little germ disseminators that they are), and a whole heap of other shit, and well, I’m done.

I’m burnt out. I’m fed up. And the kids just know it.

The eight year old has well and truly decided that his ears are for ornamental purposes only. Don’t even get me started on how many times I have to repeat myself, to remind him to do the same routine in the morning before school he has been doing now for three years! 

Shoes go on before we leave the house. Brushing your teeth requires toothpaste. Building a Lego contraption that does whatever (I have reached the point where I don’t give a shit) but not yet having put lunchbox and drink bottle in bag. Antagonising his younger brother after being told to leave him alone…. Oh. My. God.

The toddler has decided that I don’t exist, when Dad is around. He asks for a drink. I offer to get him a drink, only to be met with a filthy stare, then turning his back and running towards Dad, to ask him for a drink. I cannot make his toast. Dad has to make it. I cannot put him to bed. Only Dad can. And more of the same…

You’d think I’d be rejoicing over shirking some of these parental responsibilities, but it is just making me feel like a piece of furniture that everyone has forgotten about. Or a ghost.

Feeling the love, people.

Surely I’m not the only one.

But I’m changing it. For once, I’m putting myself first for a bit.

My muscles are so knotted up and tense, I think I actually whimpered when I went for a remedial massage the other day.

I’ve started doing yoga classes that work runs. I’m actually taking a lunch break and getting away from my desk.

Today after work, instead of going straight to collect the eight year old from after school care, I went home. I took the dogs for a walk. I breathed. I put a load of washing on and put the bins out, unaccompanied. Trying to put the bins out with the ‘assistance’ of kids takes 15 minutes and almost triggers a stress-induced heart attack…

After I had had a moment to regroup, I then collected the eight year old. I was still barraged with the usual onslaught of verbal crap that occurs after school, and excuses of why he couldn’t eat his piece of fruit. Last week’s awesome excuse was he couldn’t eat the apple because, wait for it, “a bird pooed on it”. How a bird managed to poo on his apple, which was in his lunch bag, which was in his school bag, is beyond me. Points for creativity, though…

But at least I wasn’t frazzled. Things ran smoother.

I’m still tired, and I still poured a glass of red with dinner, but I managed to hold a semi-intelligent conversation with my husband about his PhD, and not just fade out after 30 seconds due to exhaustion.

This whole self-care thing needs to continue. Maybe when I’m feeling more human, I’ll feel like a better mum and wife, too.

Are you feeling burnt out and fed up, too?
What did you do to change it?

Make sure you’re following Life, kids and a glass of red on Facebook for extra giggles and snippets of silliness!

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10 thoughts on “Burnt out and fed up

  1. Oh mate, couldn’t go past without commenting on this. Sorry to hear that things have been such a shitstorm, and I hope you can keep finding small and regular ways to have a break. Take care of you. This shit is hard x

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    1. I can totally relate. I’m 14 weeks pregnant and miserable. I lost my best friend and younger brother two days after I found out I was pregnant. Since his passing 2 months ago I have been overcome with grief, anxiety, nightmares and sadness. I have a hard time coping with everyday life. I feel overwhelmed and lonely even though I’m always surrounded by people. Everyone keeps telling me how being pregnant is such a wonderful experience yet I can’t relate. I feel fat, sad and undesirable. Since his death the void in my heart and life has been tremendous. I just want to sleep and be alone as much as possible. Hopefully things improve once this baby arrives

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  2. Oh man, this house has had a revolving door or sickness over the past month … I’m the current victim 😦 While I don’t work in the office any more, I certainly hear you on so many levels when it comes to the kids! I hope things settle down for you soon. So good that you have found some time for yourself in whatever way you can, it’s so easy to say it’s all too hard and not do that. Sending hugs xx

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  3. So glad to see a post from you. Just know you’re not alone. I think we all manage to work ourselves in those cycles of exhaustion. Sometimes for me the first step is to admit to myself that it’s OK to acknowledge those feelings and most definitely OK to take those few minutes to breathe. You can do this!

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  4. Having a career and kids is bloody hard work. I love working, makes me feel human so I’d never stop, but I had a stage last year where is was a raging bitch thanks to exhaustion and stress. Best advice I got was to outsource everything that adds no value to my kids – cleaning, gardening, ironing, grocery deliveries ect ect. If you haven’t already, do it, it’ll make life that tiny bit easier.

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  5. Amazed how you managed to write a post on my behalf without having ever met. My 8 year old is an arse too. Loveable. But an arse. The 4 year old cringes when I approach him stating that he “doesn’t like kisses” – from me. From his dad they’re great apparently. The 12 year old constantly accuses me of not caring because I simply don’t want to hear about what she is wearing for Halloween for the 20th time considering its nearly 6 fucking weeks away. And wine? Yep that’s why I’m awake.. Drank over the healthy quota.. Now can’t sleep. I love my kids and wouldn’t be without a them.. Apart from at least one hour a day where I could actually do something for myself! Chin up sister… Oh and did I mention, 12 year is currently sleep talking next to me after whacking me in the head with her elbow.. She decided to fall asleep in my bed for the 2nd night, unbeknownst to me until too late.. So Mr P decided to leave her there tonight and is sleeping on the sofa!

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  6. i can definitely relate to a lot of this, especially feeling like a piece of furniture just shoved to the side. and part of my problem just now is finding the self care time too. i found this post comforts me, so i hope you can feel comfort from all these comments that you are definitely not alone, and you’ve inspired me to try to squeeze some ‘me time’ in my life too.

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  7. I think I’m burned out as well. Well, I know I am. I’m burned at work and am in desperate need of a change. I think I’m also burned out in my life, too. I feel stagnant and am itching for some grand adventure or something. As far as what I’m doing to change things… Well, I’ve started a weight loss regimen so that I feel more comfortably in my own skin and I’m planning adventures to spice up my life.

    Best wishes to you.

    Visiting from The Ultimate Rabbit Hole

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