New words

Our four-year-old has unfortunately learnt a new word. Normally you’d be thrilled when a child with speech delays says a new word.
I say unfortunately, as it’s a word he should not be saying.

Both of our kids have had some problems with speech. Our eldest wasn’t able to pronounce “dump trucks” for a long time. There were mortifying moments when he’d be sitting on my husband’s shoulders or in his pram and he’d suddenly point and yell, “dumb fucks, dumb fucks!” I’d will the earth to suddenly swallow me up so I could escape the shaming looks we’d get.

With our youngest (the former ‘toddler tornado’, who is now four) we can understand roughly half of what he’s saying. But the new word he said was clear as day.

Sitting at the table, we heard the four year old call his brother, what we thought, was “arsehole”.

No. Surely that wasn’t what we heard?

The next day, I overheard him say it again. Clear as day. There was no mistaking that.

Oh, joy. Our four-year-old has a potty mouth.

Why can’t he magically be able to pronounce another word, like “shoe”? No. He has to be able say with perfect clarity, “arsehole”. Fabulous. Kindergarten at a Catholic school is going to a blast this year. They’re going to love us…

I may swear on my blog, I may swear when with friends, but I have never said that in my house. Sure, I have said (the now rather frequent) “for fuck’s sake”, a little too loudly in the other room, as opposed to muttering it quietly. But what parent hasn’t?!

We’ve talked about what words are appropriate, what is nice behaviour and what isn’t. Let’s see if that works.

I’m guessing the odds aren’t going to be great.

Tonight he had an epic meltdown. Items were thrown, furniture pushed. This resulted in him having an early shower and dinner and put to bed.

He yelled that I was acting like an idiot. In my mind I was yelling at him that HE, was in fact, acting like the idiot. More like an arsehole, actually.

Four-year-olds are truly, a delight.

What delightfully inappropriate words have your kids learned?

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What the parenting books don’t tell you

Congratulations! You’ve found out you’re having a baby. Fab news.

You’ve bought a couple of parenting books to read, so you know what to expect. You’re feeling confident that you can handle it all.

Well, here are some things that the baby books don’t tell you… Continue reading

Signs a mum has a “leave pass”

signs-a-mum-has-a-leave-passYou can always tell when a mum has been granted a leave pass for a night out with friends. When work schedules have miraculously worked out so there are no late meetings or events for either parents, or a babysitter has been found and confirmed, and turned up to the house.

How can you tell?

Look at the handbag. There will be a teeny tiny handbag, or a gorgeous leather bag – free of stains or marks on the outside. No wipes and nappies hanging out, no bulging water bottles or zip lock bags of fruit to be seen. The gorgeous bag is safe to be taken out – no danger of snot being wiped on it, milk drinks being spilt on it, and it doesn’t need to be big enough to double as an overnight bag. Continue reading

Toddler behaviour is universal, regardless of the species

toddler-behaviour-is-universal-regardless-of-the-speciesAfter a typically exasperating evening with the toddler, filled with delightful behaviour like throwing cutlery across the dinner table, narrowly missing his brother, I was fighting the urge to swear under my breath and roll my eyes.

And then I saw something that made me giggle, and realise we’re not the only one who deal with toddlers, and their delightful quirks. Continue reading